Steve Biddulph’s interview on the Understanding Boys podcast reflects on his decades-long work as a psychologist and parenting educator. He begins by discussing the positive evolution in fatherhood—from the distant, disciplinarian fathers of past generations to the more emotionally present and engaged dads of today. His early efforts, especially through books like Raising Boys, sought to encourage men to show affection, drop the stoic facade, and realize their unique and essential role in their children’s emotional development. He celebrates the shift in modern parenting, where fathers are now more involved, hands-on, and willing to express vulnerability, benefiting children's confidence and emotional health.
Steve Biddulph explores the universal human need—especially among boys—to be “seen” for who they truly are. He warns against parents projecting their ideals onto their children, instead urging them to meet each child with openness and humility. Parenthood, he explains, is messy and full of surprises, and the most important gift parents can give is to make their children feel safe, accepted, and deeply known. The presence of a calm, emotionally available parent—especially a father—helps shape children into grounded individuals who aren’t burdened by unrealistic expectations or unhealed shame.
A major focus of the conversation centers on male shame and the damage it causes. Biddulph explains how outdated ideals of masculinity have fostered a culture of emotional repression, resulting in increased mental health issues, addiction, and violence. He emphasizes that boys must see their fathers model vulnerability—sharing fears, sadness, and struggles without shame. In doing so, children internalize emotional resilience and healthy masculinity. He also highlights the role of physical play, especially rough-and-tumble interactions, in fostering trust and emotional connection between fathers and children.
As he transitions into the grandparent stage of life, Steve Biddulph expresses deep gratitude for the life he’s lived and the progress he’s seen in parenting culture. However, he also voices concern about global challenges such as the climate crisis and social justice, believing that the next generation must rise to face them with compassion and courage. In his closing reflection, Steve Biddulph sums up what it means to be a good man today with two essential traits: backbone and heart. A man must be dependable and strong, but also gentle and kind—a balance that sets the foundation for healthier relationships, families, and communities.
Journal and reflect on the following
How do I currently show my children (or students) that they are truly seen and valued for who they are—not who I expect them to be?
In what ways might traditional ideals of masculinity still influence my behavior, and how can I challenge or reframe them to promote emotional health?
Have I ever unintentionally shamed a child or young person? How can I repair and rebuild trust in that relationship?
What role does vulnerability play in my parenting or mentoring style, and how can I model healthy emotional expression more effectively?
How can I make more intentional time for connection—through simple activities like walking, watching a movie, or playful interaction?
Do I cultivate a home or school environment where young people feel physically and emotionally safe to be themselves, even when they make mistakes?
How can I nurture both ‘backbone’ and ‘heart’ in the boys I parent or teach—helping them grow into men who are both strong and kind?
Discuss
Song - Father and Son
Final Prayer
Loving God, We thank You for the gift of fatherhood, of mentors, and of all those who help shape boys into men with both backbone and heart. Teach us to be present, to listen deeply, and to truly see each child for who they are—uniquely made in Your image. Help us model strength that is gentle, vulnerability that is courageous, and love that never withdraws. May our homes and hearts be places where children feel safe, valued, and free to grow into their fullest selves. Guide us always in Your way of compassion, truth, and kindness. Amen.
